don't rock the boat, baby

Here's the deal. When the world is going your way, for goodness' sake, just let it keep going. The newly very communicative and understanding husband was impressing me with his ability to handle the new phase our lives were taking. So, when I got that call from my church telling me that I have to apply for and be granted an annulment before I can join the church, I thought nothing of sharing that news with the newly communicative and understanding husband.

Lest you think I'm a total idiot, I honestly did not think this would be a big deal for the husband. He was raised in the church the kids and I are joining and he does not respect their teachings nor does he even believe them to be a valid Christian entity. Fair enough I say, he has his right to freedom of thoughts on theology. This is why I was rather surprised at his reaction when he was "shocked and saddened" by my announcement. "Why," I wondered aloud, "does this even matter to you? It's a piece of paper you don't believe in from a church you don't recognize as legitimate?"

This is where we veered off into a discussion about the Kennedy's. Even though in our minds it seemed perfectly logical at the time, I realize it may not be a logical leap to anyone who does not live near the Boston area where nearly every point of life can be referenced back to the Kennedy's in some way. He said he knew how Joseph's wife must have felt when she was told her marriage had never even existed. And were our children illegitimate now? I then realized I had made a tactical mistake. As usual, I realized too late.

We had to be somewhat together for the morning because it's soccer season in town. Every Saturday morning there becomes what is an informal town meeting behind the local elementery school as everyone with children between the ages of 4 and 12 congregate with coffee in hand at the soccer fields to watch our young super stars and share in the latest gossip. I'm sure I am a big part of the latest gossip, but marriages are dropping like flies around here, so I think my fifteen minutes of fame is about up.

I then went to the gym and was just about to step off of the treadmill when I realized there was an episode of Project Runway I hadn't seen. Let me be clear that my attraction to this show was forced upon me when my daughter insisted it be added to her tivo list. Then I started half-way paying attention to the thing while she was in my room watching. Well, my relationship with the show became more serious than I would like as I stayed on the treadmill for an extra forty five minutes to watch the entire show. Making it all the more painful was the fact that since this was live tv and not tivo, I had to sit (tread) through commercials. I've reached a new low.

When I got home in the afternoon the husband apologized for his reaction to my annulment declaration and was once again very understanding and supportive. It was so sweet and yet unnerving at the same time. He really is a decent guy. I've just spent so many years in this pattern of control and submission with him that I can no longer tell if he is just switching tactics.

Last night I went to dinner with my new book group. AKA: a group of women who desperately want a reason to leave our homes without our lovely children clinging to our pant legs on occasion. There was no book, though we did discuss having one next time, but there was more gossip and laughing and some new friendships sparked. It was a great night. People are good.

I then came home and possibly made a grave mistake.