good is good

I know I've been scarce. I'm sure you all noticed. Admit you noticed people, gosh!

So the update. My children are still amazing and wonderful and you couldn't pry them from my warm loving arms. They are all adjusting to this crazy life and they deserve so much credit for their maturity, their flexibility, their ability to do well in their every day life while functioning amongst commotion and the love they share for one another (though they hide it well at times.) I will never regret the marriage to their father because they are blessings so great I am humbled each and every day.

And their father, oh where to begin? After a bumpy, painful week, we have made such progress in the formation of our new relationship. I do love him and he is well on his way to becoming the man I always knew he could be. I am proud to watch him parent now. I am proud to watch him taking responsibility in his life. And though I need to preface this next part with the very true statement imo that it is NEVER one person who fails to keep two halves of a marriage together, and I accept full responsibility for my personal failings in that marriage, something miraculous happened over the past week. G apologized to me. It wasn't a blanket, "I'm sorry," that was meant to be a cya for the past seventeen years. He took the time to go into detail about very particular and painful things and he apologized separately for each and every one. And I was moved, so moved I cannot explain it. He got it. And it's not going to change the course of marriage, but it changes the frame of it as we move forward. This will shape our friendship and our role as parents for our children. I still tear up thinking about it. He said he was sorry, he knows what he is saying sorry for, and I am touched and forever grateful. Oh and did I mention the papers he had yet to provide so that we could very cordially and jointly file this divorce have now been provided and we are going to be officially filed by October 30th? Then, according to the fine courts of our great state, a full year later, we should be offically d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d in two to six weeks. I don't mean to sound so giddy, it's just such a huge relief after all this time.

Um, what else. Oh yeah, dating. Let's see. I tried match dot not for me for about twenty three official hours. I don't think I can do things that way, at least not now. I did get enough responses to boost my ego, so I suppose it served some purpose. I also went on a couple of dates with coffee guy. We spent several, literally, hours on the phone, several hours of conversation in person, several hours hiking up the side of the mountain that he just bought 19 acres and a cabin on, several hours looking at the sky and the mountains and drinking wine and eating the picnic he brought. Life has it's very nice side. I took the first leap and it was good.

To be continued...