dark side of the moon

It's a downer today folks so you might want to move right along to someone else's happy blog.

I'm single and I'm sad. There I said it. This isn't the way I usually feel and if I force myself to remember, I know I was sad most of the days I was married. But the truth is single people get sad, too. And in the last week everywhere I turn there is some quite negative statistic regarding single women I swear I never noticed before. We get sick more often, we die sooner, we're more likely to be depressed, we never manage to repartner up at the advanced age that I am. Sheesh, give us a break people!

Perhaps sad isn't the right label since it's more lonely that I feel. It's funny, but as many low points as my marriage had, at least I was sharing them with someone. When we were in a sucky place, we were in it together. And now I'm just in it with me. Except that's not true, I'm in it with four little human beings I have to be "up" for. I am their companion that makes life a happy bubble and provides all the comfort and good feelings. Today I am scared as heck that I won't be able to do that. And today I'm scared because I know their dad (bless his trying heart) is nowhere near being able to do that for them yet since he's a ways behind me on the grieving scale over the divorce. Huh, I guess I've established not only that I am sad, but also lonely and scared. That's not so bad. It could be worse. It really could.

I have a beautiful life. I am blessed. I have a beautiful life. I am blessed...