feels like home

This weekend has been beautiful. The weather has been a bit on the crisp side but the sun is bright and the air is fresh. This was the first weekend since sometime in August we did not have a scheduled activity outside of the house, not counting church. The freedom to relax has been so nice for all of us.

Our days have been full of curling up on sofas with good books, taking naps, building lego and Polly Pocket towns, orchestrating concerts and adapting plays. Just plain playing that every kid needs and my kids don't get often enough. We even have our first fire going and it's just so peaceful. :)

All divorce papers are officially filed, we've begun adhering to the custody agreement and I'm looking for a place to live. I was originally going to stay in the house, but I've decided not to for more than one reason. First, if I stay here, I don't believe G will ever actually move out of the upstairs. I'm all about compromise, but it's been over a year now and I need some space. In addition, this is not the house I want to grow old in or even raise my children in. It's big and rambly and just not me. I need a little cottage with nooks and crannies and if I'm lucky a sweet little porch. I'm not counting on getting that the first time out, but just taking a step toward being somewhere else gets me closer to that reality. G has decided he will keep the house so the kids will at least have the home base they are used to for part of the time.

There's been little bump in my road of perpetual happiness. It seems not all "friends" are "friends" at all and even some of the ones that are, sure know how to resent you when you would expect them to support you. Something I didn't read about in all of my divorce preparation books was advice on what to do when your friends totally diss you. What do you do when rumors abound and you find out one of your supposed closest friends started them? What do you do when suddenly your friends tell you flat out not to be around their husbands? What do you do when your devotion to mothering is questioned because you allowed the children to visit their father per a parenting plan you co-wrote and support? I'm not sure what to do, but I'm working on establishing boundaries and murmuring weak words of, "Um, that hurt my feelings," when I can muster the courage. You know, we women suck at being friends sometimes.

And oh yes dating. Well, add the fact that I'm even entering the dating scene and that's more ammunition for the above paragraph, but whatevah! I've decided two guys is all the more I can keep track of at one time and so that's where I am. Coffee guy is still around and we do a great job of keeping one another guessing, yet we just smile when we're together. The new guy, the Republican, is someone I (ssshhhh) met online through an actual dating service. I feel like I need a shower just saying that out loud. The two of them could not be more different and I can't imagine dating more than one person for very long. But I'm giving it a bit of time and we'll see what happens.