i will survive

I'm spending the morning packing up the kids for their Thanksgiving trip. They are excited to see their extended family and to have time with daddy. G and I have had a couple of very good conversations and I feel safe sending them down there. The compromise is that they will be home tucked in their beds Friday night. I know the time is important for all of them and that is a good thing.

Once the car pulls out of the drive, I will put into action my plan not to cry my eyes out for the next three days. I'm going to pick up some candles I've been needing desperately. And why yes, candles are a necessity in life! I'm heading to the movie store to clean them out of chick flicks - I'm crossing my fingers they have the entire first season of Big Love - and then making my way to the market to design my little Thanksgiving for one dinner. That or I hit the Chinese restaurant tomorrow which has not yet been taken out of the running. I have a stack of books, a knitting project I've wanted to start for months, wood for the perfect fire and friends who have offered to entertain me.

The guy I was seeing cancelled his plans to go out of state because he thinks my ending the relationship is indicative of me losing my mind. I suppose it does seem crazy to him that I would walk away from the endless opportunities he's offering to bring to my life and my children's lives. What is that saying? The first marriage is for love, second marriage is for money and third is for companionship? Well, I think I did the first for companionship, I'm being offered the traditional second one, but I'm going to hold out for the love part even if I'm holding out for a long while.

Anyway, I so wish he would go be with his family because I feel good about the break up and being on my own for a while. There is so much I want to accomplish and when I enter into a relationship with someone who has their life that together, I want to go into it as an equal, not as someone to be taken care of. But hey, I'm not entirely immune to the thought. There are days when being taken care sounds very inviting! A new shiny house, the good towels, hand bags and shoes, a car that isn't seven years old, regular spa treatments, the parties, the dinners, the educational opportunities for my kids. Not to mention that there is a definite connection there and we are so compatible. Heck, I'm probably a freaking fool for walking away from this! LOL

Off to check some laundry and hug some kids every time they pass by me. :)